Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Hi, my name Jewel Amber Mills

Hi, nice to meet you :)
So are you wondering if I think I'm that special to self-title this? Well, No I do not lol. Special to God, no doubt about that but really I'm just another woman on this earth trying to make it. But what is IT? 

IT to me is making change. Being better today than I was yesterday. Loving God more today than I did yesterday. Staying Humble, stay Low. Serving people with good intentions. Controlling my not so kind thoughts. Not being content. Content in the Lord, but not being content apart from Him. These are all my goals plus MANY more. And you know what? I've realized I'm never going to make it. But I won't stop trying...trying to be better for Him. My Heavenly Father. 

So Today makes 29 years of life :)  Last night driving alone in the car, I got really emotional. I started thinking about everything I've been through these last couple of years. And how all throughout it, I would question God. Why God? This isn't what I planned, not even what I imagined. And then I remembered back in college, journaling about my mess and talking to God, wondering when I was going to surrender to Him. 

I would write about my "final" chapter in my life book. Imagining what that would look like when I no longer had to endure pain & emptiness. And then I remember telling God, maybe my purpose is to show people the way. Write a book and tell people my story so that they didn't have to go through my same things. But even before then I remember high school. I remember writing, saying I wanted to help people. My craziness began during my parents' rough divorce and my desire to help was birthed. 

Five years after that, a vision was given to a stranger about me. She came up to me and said God wanted me to share my story. To "show people the way." He needed me. I will never forget that day. Can you imagine? God using strangers to get through to you. Weird, odd but so flattering. So loving of Him to do so.

I say this all to say, "I want to help." There is so much junk on social media, so many scandals in the media, the church, everywhere! So my prayer is for God to keep sharpening me, keep using me. Keep KEEPING me in His arms. I don't want to paint perfection before you, I want to share with you my rough drafts. I want to respectively show you a flawed woman after God's own heart. I'm not a leader because I have wins under my belt, I'm a leader pointing you to THE WAY. And that's Jesus. 

Lately, I've been more comfortable in showing all my sides. Silly enough, I would actually feel bad for not saying this or for saying this too much. But the truth is, God has made me a mommy, a wife, a homemaker, friend, daughter, helpmate ALL that. And all of those roles are important to me. Sometimes, I think we condemn ourselves for not being a certain way. Worrying how we are perceived by others. I've done it. I've had it done to me. "You should write about this." "You shouldn't say that or talk about God so much." "You're too deep." "You're too serious." "You're not doing enough." 

Can I just say that you will NEVER please everybody? Can I also add that we're not supposed to. Our life spent on this earth is to please God. Anything else is just a big, fat distraction. 

The good news is that there is Freedom in Christ Jesus. I have another birthday with my loved ones. I have my sanity, my health and I know God's Love. I have forgiveness and lots of grace. Thank you Jesus. I have freedom to express all sides of me. Perfect or not. So what do I say to you? Live Life. Live your life to the fullest through Christ Jesus. Just don't be so FULL on life that you forget about the ONE who gave you life. 

Trust me, I know it's not always easy. But, this is God's Earth. He's THE maker, OUR maker and He loves you. So, what was this birthday post about? hahaha I don't know exactly? To say hello, to vent some, to reemphasize why I blog, and to express my freedom in being all who God created me to be :)

p.s. I love birthdays!! Although they look nothing like they use to prekids, prehubby lol ;) gotta love change
p.s.s. thank you for reading-such a great feeling
p.s.s.s fyi There shall be no birthday cakes over here lol ;)

Love me,
Love God.

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