Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Five years & counting...My husband's Confessions.

Jewel and I have been married for five years and we still have yet to arrive. We are still working on our friendship. We are becoming best friends.  Just as the church is being perfected as the bride of Christ waiting for His return, so are we in marriage. Here are some valuable things I've  learned about being a husband.

Relationships require maintenance. Just like your vehicle needs routine maintenance, so does your marriage. So, “Why maintenance?” Well, when you have a mechanical problem, do you just ignore it? No. Ok, what happens when you do? Uh oh!! More money, more problems? When issues are not properly diagnosed or cared for, things begin to shut down. You have to do things like "date your wife" regularly. The energy you used to bait her, you have to use to keep her :) Woman want to be pursued before AND after marriage.  Be creative and keep your wife guessing. My wife loves to be surprised with spontaneous get-aways and shopping sprees.  And no, you don't have to make a lot of money either. It doesn't have to be frequent as much as it does meaningful. The time you spend with her is more valuable anyway.  My wife & kids love being with me. And I've come to love their company. If you have kids, keep your Rolodex handy for babysitters. Also, try to keep a bucket list for the two of you. I hate to linger on the car analogy, but if you had a Bentley (which your wife is) would you clean it every blue moon and smoke cigarettes inside of it? If your answer is yes, you need to continue riding a Huffy. (Single life). I say no, so I constantly have to make an effort to care for her.
Your spouse needs to be affirmed. Compliments, Compliments and more Compliments. I forgot to mention one last thing, COMPLIMENTS!! This is a woman’s heroin and to be honest she sometimes put this on the same level as sexual intimacy. One compliment can make her whole day, and yours as well.  There is no greater feeling or satisfaction than knowing that you helped lift someone's spirits. The return in marriage is great, because when your wife is happy and feeling loved, it's easier for her to want to serve you.  The light bulb just went off for someone! Basically, Words play a huge role in your marriage . Your wife could be having a rough day but with one word from you, it can change her whole world.

Your wife needs your participation when it comes to communicating. Regardless of how tired you feel after a hard day of work, you have to take one for the team. Fellas I feel your pain. I’m a very laid back guy and sometimes I just want silence, a sandwich and my house to be clean. I forgot to mention ESPN. I got myself in trouble early on in my marriage. I didn’t want to talk for longs periods of time, but I realized that my wife needs to TALK! She's always excited to see me. Imagine a dog wagging its tail when they hear the door bell, waiting for you to enter the room. That's my wife. Ladies, no offense but a dog was the only thing I could think of while writing this. The bottom line is that your wife needs to know she is valued. She wants you to care about her day to day happenings, future goals and passions.

Woman need to be led.  They need to be provided for financially, and also spiritually. My wife feels MOST secure when she knows I've been seeking the Lord.  But, none of us have it all together in the beginning. Most of us are diamonds in the rough. The potential is in us but no one except your wife is able to bring it out. That’s why a man needs to know that he is appreciated in his efforts. It’s not easy being a man in today's world. We have a lot of pressure on us.  We don't like to feel inadequate and women are looking to US for the answers. We have so much pride as men. I have to confidently cover her in all areas.  I was born a man for a purpose and the challenges I face can be overcome. Philippians 4:13. So, man up and stop playing Madden all day and handle yours.
Family is #1. Your wife and children have to be put first. I don’t care how passionate you are about your job or how much your friends say you've changed because your Friday nights are R.I.P. You have to prioritize and make the decision that is best for your family. This is not always an easy task. The single life was fun, I didn’t have to answer to any one. I still have flashes every once in a while and then I snap out of it quickly. Lol. That's not my reality anymore. Nothing compares to having a family. I'm responsible for four other lives. When you have young children, you have to sacrifice a lot. Your marriage is sometimes tested because its an unfamiliar season for the both of you. Treasure the moments when you can appreciate each other in the times of mental exhaustion. Be each others #1 fan because real fans are there when their sports team have a very bad or struggling season.

I've come to love my wife even more through all that we have been through. I'm just now learning how to serve her and enjoy her. It wasn't always like that. Disney movies aren't reality. In this life there WILL be struggle. God is the only thing that will sustain you. There have been times where I've exhausted my resources for help & advice and at the end of the day, I've realized that Man has little to offer in comparison to the leading of the Holy Spirit. Marriage is a never ending college degree. It doesn't stop at a PH.D. Always remember that there is nothing new under the sun. Your situation is not new. Questions change, but the answers never will. Don't worry about impressing others, prove yourself to your spouse. My time is up. The collection plate will be going around shortly. God Bless!!!!!


  1. It's been almost two years for me... Thanks for reaffirming my need to "work on" my marriage. Great tips from an inspiring person!

    1. I'm so glad it helped you out! It's a constant labor of love :) The return is great, God bless

    2. This was awesome!!!!