I would like to begin by thanking The Lord for His testimony of Jesus Christ. Without the blood shed by His Son none of us would be counted worthy. I am an EX-Lesbian. It sounds crazy every time I say it, considering it goes against the grain of society. However, I know in my heart that living any lifestyle that is against the commandments of God is a sin. I wasn’t always this persuaded by the Word of God. I remember growing up I had been exposed to sexual acts and pornography which left me confused about my sexuality. I became the aggressor in elementary school, having engaged in touching private parts of the same gender as well as boys. I was a developing into a pervert, but to my surprise, the Lord had something in store for me.
Around the age of 8 I had moved from my home of residency of 2 years, a day before it was shot up. Living in an unstable environment, we often found ourselves on the go. This time we went to a small town in Cincinnati, Ohio. That is where I first encountered the Lord and received the gift of tongues. I was so stoked, I knew Jesus was real and I experienced many nights of warfare because of it. Images of naked women would often race in my mind.
I never told anyone because of the shame, but I would sing worship songs to block out the images. A few years passed and I was blooming into a fine young lady. As my 6th grade graduation crept around the corner, a bet circulated around the projects of where I lived. I was unaware for years that they betted who would be the first one to “pop my cherry”? My aunt found out and threatend to kill them.
This was the same time I couldn’t take anymore of the foolish things my mother was doing. We lived in a trap house, where she sold and did coke. I had three younger siblings that I watched after on the days she was under the influence, and was getting tired of it. I was extremely stressed out, and my church family knew. Countless times I begged my mother to come to church, but she never did.
On the day of my graduation, I made up in my mind that I was going to leave her. I called up my grandparents in Columbus and asked to live with them. I didn’t have a stitch of clothes for my graduation ceremony, my hair wasn’t done and I gave up on trying communicating with my mother. Until I heard a knock at my door, and to my surprise it was a sister from the church.
She and my aunt dolled me up and I made it just in time for my graduation. Not to my surprise, my mother showed up along with my little sister who snuck in to see me. That was truly a blessing from the Lord and I’m forever grateful. As I packed up to leave, I often regretted and cried many nights because I knew what was in store for my siblings I had left. I felt guilty and carried it where ever I went. I was a broken child. I tried to get involved with the new church, but it wasn’t the same.
I turned and started to do what I wanted, went back to watching porn and started an obsession with masturbation. It got so bad, that if I missed a day, I got upset. I however kept quiet on the infatuation with girls. I went through my years of middle school without touching a girl, but in my mind, however, I could not stop.
During my high school years, I became popular because of my curvy body shape. I was a late bloomer, but when I did, you couldn’t tell me anything. I didn’t play any sports because of my falling grades, but I made it my choice to hang out with the jocks after school. By the time I reached junior year, the fear of being like my mother scared me straight; I enrolled into summer school, got a job and swept through my last two years of high school. Also, I came out with my secret of liking girls.
I had begun to sexually interact with the same sex and I didn’t care who knew. My parents soon found out and I was kicked out the house, it wasn’t the first time.
My life consisted of getting kicked out and brought back in. It was a cycle. This was just a new reason. I met a young lady at a gay club and she and I began a relationship. The two years we were together, I gave this woman all of me.
I enrolled at a university and began to pursue my degree in Social Work. She and I moved in together and things began to quickly fall apart. I never put my hand on a woman before I met her. Never to the point of blood, but we came close. Things took a turn for the worse when her grandmother passed. She became really distant and begins to sleep around with other women' I still stayed with her. We continued to fight until it got to the point where I was kicked out.
I went back to my grandparents, and met a young lady in college who brought me back to my first love. I could remember the day she took me to her church. I was reluctant to go, but the day I went, they were listening to a sermon off of matt 7:21-23. To hear that even preachers were going to hell because God didn’t know them, I knew for certain I was going with gas covered underwear. I rededicated my life to God, repented from my sexual immoral lifestyle and things really took a turn for the good. I started to really get in my word and seek God.
There were many, many times I’ve fell, but I never stayed down too long. God has been upholding me and I know He will never let me go. I lost many friends along my way, I've cried many nights because I felt so alone, but I always found peace in God. It’s been four years and I’m still walking in freedom from sexual sin.
I’ve learned that you need the Holy Ghost to fill you, to sanctify you. I could have never done this on my own. I give God all the glory. I want to add that once you give your life to Christ, you are a new creature. Even though the flesh is warring against you, you can overcome it. We must crucify our flesh everyday!! I do pray this helps someone or someone you know who struggles with this sin. God is a deliverer and He takes delight in each of us.
God bless, Kapreisha D. Tucker