Monday, December 3, 2012

I used to Love H.I.M

  • I wrote this back in college, 2005 I believe. It is a time when God revealed His faithfulness and TRUE love to me. Enjoy my sweet revelations....(play this as you read :)

    I used to Love H.I.M  

    I was young when we 1st met-I thought he was interesting, but I wasn’t really “attracted” to him.  I wanted to be nice, so I kept him as a friend. 

    Over time, we had different interests so now we were distant associates.  I talked to him every now and then I have to admit he was such a good friend.  He listened better than any of my other friends.  He didn’t seem to mind that much that I didn’t give him a whole lot of my time.  At least he didn’t complain to me about it.  He was always forgiving and welcoming each time I came to him.

    I look back on how I only went to him when I was sad or needed something, but even then he was there. I could tell he liked, well loved me.  You could just tell by the way he listened, the way he provided for me, when I wasn’t even his.  Still, I just didn’t love him the same way.
    He tells me now, he kept his faith the whole time, for many years.  He knew I was meant to be with him.  Talk about patience.  I know I frustrated him.  I took his kindness and never thought to return the love.  I finally told him I loved him, but still I wasn’t ready to give him all of me.  I didn't want to "be" with Him.  Sadly I figured he'd always be around regardless. His love was too easy,  I wanted to go after the challenge, win another’s love. 

    So while I was in battle with “them,” I selfishly kept my friend around, on the side of course.  He knew, but he loved me; so he remained.  We would argue sometimes.  He asked me how could  I tell him that I love him, but continue to hurt him.  Continue to give him half of me?  Hold back from him.  I didn’t mean to hurt him.  I mean I wanted him around, we had known each other for sooo long.  I could always count on him.  But it wasn’t enough to surrender to him.  I wanted the Best of Both Worlds.  His comfort & security, but “their” pleasure & excitement.
    So my friend remained loyal, he waited some more.  He kept giving me things when I needed, kept listening, kept loving me.  And I continued to chase after my men, getting by with their settlements for me.  You know when someone gives you just "enough" to get by, just to keep you around.

    Well, not to my friend’s surprise, my men disappointed me for the last time.  Weakened me until I thought I had nothing else to give.  I was exhausted.  Even though my friend was waiting with open arms to pick up my broken pieces, I didn’t run that fast to him.  Eventually I knew we would be together, but I still had feelings for my ex.  Still had hope, that maybe I could be that One to save him.  I was nervous, too.  If I got with him, would that be it?  Just me and him? No one else, no more fun?
    I had to think about it some more.

     Day by day, week by week, I was starting to fall….I started to see how much he loved me, how long he had waited for me.  Who else was going to show me his consistency and loyalty?
    Then I knew it was meant to be.  The time had slipped by so fast, I didn’t even had time to notice how fulfilled I was with just Him.  I didn’t need anyone else after all.  No other man.  I was tired of dating, tired of battling.  More than anything, I was tired of using my friend, taking from him.  After all, I love Him.  I want to give to him the way he gives to me. Back my "I love you’s" with actions.  So, I’m ready to be in a committed RELATIONSHIP with you….

    * I still love H.I.M

    p.s. more revelations of men and God

    Love me,
    Love God.

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