I woke up this morning thinking about Rejection. Mostly how the act of Rejection can really shape & empower a person's life. Rejection has been casted into the scary, "bad" category of words. No one likes to feel rejected or to be rejected. But of course, I have found a way to appreciate it :)
You see, it is in Rejection that you can truly find yourself. Even more than just discovery you are forced to love on yourself & find certainty. When people reject you, it hurts because it leaves you trying to figure out what's wrong with you. Thoughts of failure take over. Mental check lists of your worst "flaws" begin to haunt you. But it is in this very place that growth can take over.
When you're down, feeling your worst- the first, very natural response is to find something or someone to reassure you. To make you feel wanted & whole again. To fill in the emptiness that just took over. But I will tell you this; you are cheating the lesson. Because one day you WILL be rejected again. And unless you find your worth on your own, you'll always be dependent on someone to give you a false one.
Rejection forces you to look at yourself a little longer than normal. I didn't say condemn yourself; I said look at yourself. It's an awesome opportunity for you to see what may need improvement. Strengthening weaknesses are wonderful :) Any desire to be better is a great thing! These are the blessings in rejections-Improvements! The tricky part is staying humble though. Your new life goal is NOT just to be better than the person who rejected you or to show the job what a fool they were for letting you go. Because guess what? You've let pride creep in. You've letter bitterness shine through. There is a way to better yourself without wanting to make others "pay" for rejecting you. If you come out of this with pride & revenge, then go back to start. Because you've let a circumstance change you; but not for the best.
Rejection can, if you let it sneak in & cause disease on the inside. I read this morning that our hearts were our strongest muscle. Whether it is or it isn't; really isn't important. But I thought; well how do we strengthen our strongest muscle? What exercise can target it? How about love? But how can you love if you're not feeling worthy? How can you love if you've stopped believing in it? How can you love if you've become bitter & hardened?.....You can't. Muscles don't completely disappear, but they can become terribly weak! It takes hard things like rejection to strengthen it. It takes loving unconditionally to strengthen it. It takes HARDSHIPS & ADVERSARIES! So exercise your heart even when it hurts!
I have felt rejection many a times in these 32 years. From all types of people. In all types of situations. But it was in these not so fun moments, that I was forced to pick up myself and convince myself that I AM STILL WORTHY. Worthy of every amazing thing this life has to offer. Worthy of every ounce of Love. Rejection will force you to be your biggest fan. And if the lesson is truly grasped; it will keep you humbled because you'll remember all the "exercises" it took you to get here. If the lesson is grasped, it will leave you full of love because it takes nothing less than love to feel whole again. Hope should be found here. Faith should be restored because you just tackled a mountain head on!
Rejection demands a high level of faith to be sure of yourself. A dose of maturity to not hate the person(s) who are rejecting you. An amount of courage to step back out again. A prick of humbleness to grow but without any spite. A firmness to stand, but resilience to get back up...Receive life's lessons, but don't cheat them. Grab a hold to each one and allow each one to purify you from the inside out....
Never give this life the power to dictate your worth. Begin each day being sure already. Before you let people affect you with ugliness; INFECT them with Love.
Love,
Me
Wednesday, May 25, 2016
Friday, December 12, 2014
Babes & Muscles
Lol. Ok so first I have no idea why I said, "Babes & muscles." I have never even said the word babe out loud. Anyway I kind of liked the ring to it-orrr however you say.
So, almost two years ago I posted my weight loss testimony on here in hopes of inspiring others and describing in detail the difficulties I've had with my weight. We, too often judge people's current status and have no idea of their story behind the scenes; their journey. Well, I most definitely have a testimony. Check it out here:
http://aperfectfitministries.blogspot.com/2012/09/obsessed-journey-to-health-pt1.html and part 2:
http://aperfectfitministries.blogspot.com/2012/09/here-to-stay-journey-to-health-pt2.html
Today I just wanted to share that my journey continues. Mentally, emotionally I'm not in the same place as I was before-I thank God for that. I don't deal with the same depression, and overwhelming guilt that I used to. Sometimes I make bad food choices and feel bad about it, but I've learned to just keep moving. I don't have to repeat mistakes, I don't have to wake up the next day and stuff my face again. I can make a better choice the next day. And so can you. You can forget about yesterday :) and focus on TODAY. Everything in life is just one choice at a time. It's either going to be a good one or bad one, but it's up to you.
I joined a new gym this past April and have been trying to lose some weight, while gaining muscle. I had no idea what I was doing lol. The pounds weren't coming off, my clothes fit pretty well and from the outside I looked fine but I had gained about 10 pounds. Then in June, my beautiful friend Crissy (The Well Foundation, google it!) came and graciously picked me (and my husband) up as clients for 3 months. It was then that I learned about lifting weights and the correct order of sets and reps.
I've always been pretty active and apart of a gym but I've never really lifted weights. I did some machines, and by that some I mean like 3. Lol. For maybe 15 minutes, following lots of cardio. Through my coaching experience, I've learned that I CAN transform my body through weights. And once again, mentally I can do ALL things through Christ Jesus. I have to tell myself that because it's a hard process. Just like losing weight, lifting is a long process, a patience tester, and mental challenger. Sometimes you can see weight come off a lot faster than you can see muscles added on. Luckily, I've taken lots of pictures to help me see results because it can be discouraging when it appears nothing is changing for the better!
I currently work out 4 days a week, usually 20 minutes of cardio each session. I change it up between the stairs, treadmill on the highest incline, and fast burning exercises like box jumps/jump rope, lunge jumps. The rest of the hour or 1.5 is dedicated to lifting. I've grown to really love the weights. I enjoy the challenge of something new and something hard. There's so much dedication that is asked of you and although it hasn't been perfect, I have put a lot of heart into this. I am using the My Fitness Pal app to keep track of my calories and macro nutrients. Macro nutrients are Proteins, Fats, and Carbs. I've been able to lower my body fat because of this. I haven't been super strict with it these last 6 months but I've done pretty well. It's important to be aware of your fat intake, regardless if it's from good fats and to consume enough protein!
Physically any one can push themselves to do this, it just takes practice. But mentally and emotionally? That's what sets people apart in everything. Do you have enough Faith in yourself? Can you persevere through the difficult times and emotions of the process? You can do anything, if you never quit. Seems simple (it is) but people often quit prematurely. It doesn't matter how long it takes to cross the finish line-but if you BELIEVE you can; you will. I've been gaining and losing weight for a long time now, and I'm prepared to always work hard at it. Health is earned! Fitness is earned! When I see muscular women, I don't get jealous-I rejoice with them! Because I know they earned every bit of it. And that's honorable; it's pure dedication!
So for me, it's less about how I look (although it is a plus!) and more so about what it's taken me to get here! Work! Can I do it? Yes, of course. I've crossed a lot of barriers in my weight loss journey and I don't plan on stopping. I may not ever have a six pack but I'm okay with that. My 3 babies have left a special, soft imprint below the belly button :)
I pray God will help me to prioritize and nudge me when or if it's becoming obsessive. And I also pray He will lead me to help others along the way because for me, that's most important. Why embark on this journey alone? I would never want to, I need people and so do YOU. So for now, this is my project! My hobby and passion :) Physical Transformation !!!!!
****The First pic is from May to November. 139-125 lbs.
****The second pic is from June (started with my wellness coach) to November. 137-125 lbs.
Though, I see so much progress, I also see so much more work to go! 137 lbs. may sound like a small number but as you can see there was still a lot of belly/back fat up there. Lifting weights has been soooo helpful with definition. I've been focusing on my arms and glutes heavily. These progression pics also start from May until November....yay for a new lift!!!! Looking forward to more progression ;)
****The First pic is from May to November. 139-125 lbs.
****The second pic is from June (started with my wellness coach) to November. 137-125 lbs.
~ Please remember to pray along the way. There's no use in changing physically if mentally you still SEE yourself the same. You may want to keep progressing, which is fine but just make sure you are rejoicing with every milestone. Don't become obsessive or dissatisfied with your results. Remember where you came from and be grateful! There's no time limit :) Your race is your race; YOU are your own referee! Let's get going!
p.s. since my last weight post 2 years ago, I have enjoyed most foods in balance. My diet is close to a grain free or Paleo one but definitely not strict. With every thing I do consume, I try my best to make sure it's the best quality:eggs,cheese, milk, honey, yogurt, chicken, turkey, fish etc. My day to day diet is simple and to the point. A meat and veggie with lots of snacks! I don't cook heavy; rarely any casseroles! Eating healthy is simple, we over complicate it ;)
Love me,
Love God.
Tuesday, December 9, 2014
For those who are mourning....
This has been on my heart a couple of months now, I've just been slow to bring it to paper.
Racism.
I have been fortunate enough to not have experienced this in my lifetime. I don't know what it feels like to be attacked, accused, scolded, or rejected solely because of the color on my skin. And if I have, I was oblivious to it. Because of this, I believed for many years that it wasn't happening. I really felt like people were using their color as some sort of defense, excuse almost. That if any bad thing happened it was because they were "such and such" or they got in trouble because they were ----. And I only felt that way because I, personally didn't "see" color. I had no sort of attachment or link if you will to my own color. My identity was just being Jewel, not being Mexican.
So I didn't know how to think in terms of color. I was raised in the military; I experienced different backgrounds & surroundings. I thought the best of the world. It couldn't do us any harm. Much of that ignorance was due to being young. If anything, I resisted my own race. I didn't grow up around my "own people." So being "American" was the way to go. Speaking English was better. In middle school I think I was proud that I didn't speak Spanish. I don't even know why I started thinking like this but I did. I explain all of this just to paint you the picture that I was so out of touch with being Mexican and looking at "color."
It wasn't until college that I heard first hand stories of racism:white, black, Asian and Hispanic. You should have seen my face! Big eyes. Really???? Yes really. It was happening all around me. Wow. I think the nature of the human being is that sometimes we lack compassion for others. Actually a lot of the time we do. It's not until we experience something first hand:cancer, autism, racism, homelessness, abortion, abuse, addiction-that we actually begin to care about it.
And I will humbly say there are many things in this world, that I Do care about, but racism has never been at the top of that list. Because I never really experienced it; I didn't believe it happened, and because I didn't believe, I almost didn't care. Yep that's true. I believe we all get a shot, we all experience HARD things and we all have to choose to move on past it. I've had some very difficult road blocks and I've just had to push through them and continue running my race. And I still believe that life is unfair and will continue to be unfair as long as we are living on this Earth, away from Christ.
I don't believe there will ever be justice on this Earth, that it will ever be "Equal." This isn't Heaven. We are all flawed in our hearts. All we have is our own free will to be like Christ. But I think the problem with my thinking is that, sometimes I can be so unbiased about certain things that I forget to stop and think; to care. Many times I've posted about abortion and often the feedback is "dont judge!" "it's a woman's body-you can't decide for a woman." You see, my argument is NOT whose choice it is, but rather millions of little babies are dying. We can argue back and forth, give our best speeches and in the end lives are still ending. Blood is still being shed. Whether I'm right or you're wrong; it still won't change that fact. Babies are dying. And in our lack of compassion, and selfishness we just care about winning debates and being right.
Recently it has been the same with these trials in NY, CLE, FL, and ST.Louis. Many debates going on, who's right, who's wrong, who's at fault, I side with the cop, the boy shouldn't have, where's the parents, it's not a black issue, it is a black issue, all cops aren't bad and ON AND ON that we have forgotten that LIVES were lost! At the end of the day a beautiful soul was lost. And we all have the luxury of spewing out our expertise and wise opinions that we can't even offer our condolenscenses. It's Christmas! Thanksgiving passed and as we argued did anyone pray for those mourning families? Were any tears shed? Did anyone stop to mourn with those parents and families?
And we can say the same for everything in this world. Ebola! I saw countless arguments, hurtful words directed at the "idiotic nurses" for passing the infection along. We ranted & raved; pointed the finger at whom we felt were to blame. Very few times did I see anyone just feel for the family. I was convicted one night in my car that I hadn't prayed for that young nurse in Cleveland. Can you imagine what her family was going through, what the nurse was thinking? Her first thoughts after finding out her diagnosis was probably:am I going to die?? People cursed her out in their posts, they didn't care that she could have died. Smh. What in the world???
I didn't mean to get off topic, I'm getting to my original thought. I, too have been guilty of not caring enough. I've debated with my husband that we all have it hard and we just gotta go out there and do it! I've debated that everyone is a hypocrite, we think this is unfair and then we'll do such and such in the same breath. We give our own race passes and exemptions and then have a problem when someone from a different race does the same thing. And you know what most of that is true. We are all hypocrites. We do give passes at our own convenience. We do pick and choose what is right and wrong and what WE believe is okay.
But you know what? So what. It still doesn't change the fact that lives were recently lost. Young black boys, older black men etc. Their lives were abruptly lost and their families are mourning. Other people in those communities and as a race are hurting and are wondering if they matter to the rest of the world. And while, I'm looking in from the outside as a Mexican woman, I effortlessly say of course you matter. Of course you are loved by God, no doubt about it. You are just like me-we are the same. But the truth is this, if you don't believe it it doesn't matter what I say. And in this moment many are wondering. Many are doubting. And I AM sorry for that.
And even though in my heart I believe that #alllivesmatter I don't need to say it. I just need to care. I just need to ask God to give me a heart for lives lost, people mourning and hurting. I just need HIS love for all HIS people. As a Christian, sometimes the best thing we can offer others is our understanding. The bible says to dwell with understanding. I may not understand how it feels but I can understand your pain. We don't need to offer our opinions. Just the truth of God. Which is: Love our neighbors. At all costs, Just Love. And so I apologize for not caring enough. I apologize for not coming to God sooner and asking Him for the grace to love on this issue.
I pray that you won't believe all cops are evil. I pray that you won't believe you are beneath any other race. I pray that you believe you DO matter and your sons. I pray that you will take these events and use them to love on all other races. I pray that you will live the rest of your lives in peace and not in fear. And at the worst, if none of this happens and you do become bitter, doubtful, or even worse: racist...I am still sorry. It isn't my job to change anyone, it is my command to love. People don't need you to experience what they're going through, they just need you to have compassion.
God does see color. He created all of them. And when He sees them-I know He rejoices, because they are all BEAUTIFUL!!! And He has called us to LOVE them all. Above all else: Love. Whatever the circumstance, regardless of the sin or who is to blame-LOVE!!!!
Racism.
I have been fortunate enough to not have experienced this in my lifetime. I don't know what it feels like to be attacked, accused, scolded, or rejected solely because of the color on my skin. And if I have, I was oblivious to it. Because of this, I believed for many years that it wasn't happening. I really felt like people were using their color as some sort of defense, excuse almost. That if any bad thing happened it was because they were "such and such" or they got in trouble because they were ----. And I only felt that way because I, personally didn't "see" color. I had no sort of attachment or link if you will to my own color. My identity was just being Jewel, not being Mexican.
So I didn't know how to think in terms of color. I was raised in the military; I experienced different backgrounds & surroundings. I thought the best of the world. It couldn't do us any harm. Much of that ignorance was due to being young. If anything, I resisted my own race. I didn't grow up around my "own people." So being "American" was the way to go. Speaking English was better. In middle school I think I was proud that I didn't speak Spanish. I don't even know why I started thinking like this but I did. I explain all of this just to paint you the picture that I was so out of touch with being Mexican and looking at "color."
It wasn't until college that I heard first hand stories of racism:white, black, Asian and Hispanic. You should have seen my face! Big eyes. Really???? Yes really. It was happening all around me. Wow. I think the nature of the human being is that sometimes we lack compassion for others. Actually a lot of the time we do. It's not until we experience something first hand:cancer, autism, racism, homelessness, abortion, abuse, addiction-that we actually begin to care about it.
And I will humbly say there are many things in this world, that I Do care about, but racism has never been at the top of that list. Because I never really experienced it; I didn't believe it happened, and because I didn't believe, I almost didn't care. Yep that's true. I believe we all get a shot, we all experience HARD things and we all have to choose to move on past it. I've had some very difficult road blocks and I've just had to push through them and continue running my race. And I still believe that life is unfair and will continue to be unfair as long as we are living on this Earth, away from Christ.
I don't believe there will ever be justice on this Earth, that it will ever be "Equal." This isn't Heaven. We are all flawed in our hearts. All we have is our own free will to be like Christ. But I think the problem with my thinking is that, sometimes I can be so unbiased about certain things that I forget to stop and think; to care. Many times I've posted about abortion and often the feedback is "dont judge!" "it's a woman's body-you can't decide for a woman." You see, my argument is NOT whose choice it is, but rather millions of little babies are dying. We can argue back and forth, give our best speeches and in the end lives are still ending. Blood is still being shed. Whether I'm right or you're wrong; it still won't change that fact. Babies are dying. And in our lack of compassion, and selfishness we just care about winning debates and being right.
Recently it has been the same with these trials in NY, CLE, FL, and ST.Louis. Many debates going on, who's right, who's wrong, who's at fault, I side with the cop, the boy shouldn't have, where's the parents, it's not a black issue, it is a black issue, all cops aren't bad and ON AND ON that we have forgotten that LIVES were lost! At the end of the day a beautiful soul was lost. And we all have the luxury of spewing out our expertise and wise opinions that we can't even offer our condolenscenses. It's Christmas! Thanksgiving passed and as we argued did anyone pray for those mourning families? Were any tears shed? Did anyone stop to mourn with those parents and families?
And we can say the same for everything in this world. Ebola! I saw countless arguments, hurtful words directed at the "idiotic nurses" for passing the infection along. We ranted & raved; pointed the finger at whom we felt were to blame. Very few times did I see anyone just feel for the family. I was convicted one night in my car that I hadn't prayed for that young nurse in Cleveland. Can you imagine what her family was going through, what the nurse was thinking? Her first thoughts after finding out her diagnosis was probably:am I going to die?? People cursed her out in their posts, they didn't care that she could have died. Smh. What in the world???
I didn't mean to get off topic, I'm getting to my original thought. I, too have been guilty of not caring enough. I've debated with my husband that we all have it hard and we just gotta go out there and do it! I've debated that everyone is a hypocrite, we think this is unfair and then we'll do such and such in the same breath. We give our own race passes and exemptions and then have a problem when someone from a different race does the same thing. And you know what most of that is true. We are all hypocrites. We do give passes at our own convenience. We do pick and choose what is right and wrong and what WE believe is okay.
But you know what? So what. It still doesn't change the fact that lives were recently lost. Young black boys, older black men etc. Their lives were abruptly lost and their families are mourning. Other people in those communities and as a race are hurting and are wondering if they matter to the rest of the world. And while, I'm looking in from the outside as a Mexican woman, I effortlessly say of course you matter. Of course you are loved by God, no doubt about it. You are just like me-we are the same. But the truth is this, if you don't believe it it doesn't matter what I say. And in this moment many are wondering. Many are doubting. And I AM sorry for that.
And even though in my heart I believe that #alllivesmatter I don't need to say it. I just need to care. I just need to ask God to give me a heart for lives lost, people mourning and hurting. I just need HIS love for all HIS people. As a Christian, sometimes the best thing we can offer others is our understanding. The bible says to dwell with understanding. I may not understand how it feels but I can understand your pain. We don't need to offer our opinions. Just the truth of God. Which is: Love our neighbors. At all costs, Just Love. And so I apologize for not caring enough. I apologize for not coming to God sooner and asking Him for the grace to love on this issue.
I pray that you won't believe all cops are evil. I pray that you won't believe you are beneath any other race. I pray that you believe you DO matter and your sons. I pray that you will take these events and use them to love on all other races. I pray that you will live the rest of your lives in peace and not in fear. And at the worst, if none of this happens and you do become bitter, doubtful, or even worse: racist...I am still sorry. It isn't my job to change anyone, it is my command to love. People don't need you to experience what they're going through, they just need you to have compassion.
God does see color. He created all of them. And when He sees them-I know He rejoices, because they are all BEAUTIFUL!!! And He has called us to LOVE them all. Above all else: Love. Whatever the circumstance, regardless of the sin or who is to blame-LOVE!!!!
Love me,
Love God.
Monday, October 13, 2014
Today marks 7 years
I woke up today with so much on my mind! Today I have been married for 7 years-I can't even believe it's been that long. One day we were just some kids two years in, looking up to other people who had been married 7 years. Now it's us.
What can I say? Well, when I say it's been a journey-I mean just that. A journey that consists of rivers, mountains, valleys, hills and plains. Not all good and definitely not all bad. There are times of "skipping" along down a fun, pretty slope and then at times you look up & it's cold. Cold, muddy and you can barely see that you are hiking up a ferocious mountain.
You see when you're engaged, you can't fathom any of the darkness. Just like when you don't have kids, you can't even imagine the fatigues that comes from waking up every two hours! But it comes. All you can see is what's in front of you-Love & acceptance. You cannot see next year or five years down the road. As far as your little hopeful heart can tell-this person can Never do you any harm.
But they will. They, like any other human being on this earth are more than capable of hurting you. Rejecting you. Using you. And all of the above. And I don't want you to think I'm writing from a bitter place; I'm not. But, rather a Real place-a place of Love. Because Love doesn't always feels good; it sometimes comes in the form of correction. Ask your parents. Or if you are a parent, you know what I'm talking about ;)
So what am I saying? I'm saying marriage is Hard! It's really Hard! When I see couples celebrating 30,40,50 years of marriage I'm like- Wow! That act of loyalty, perseverance, and commitment is nothing less than amazing! A good marriage is not one that consists of two best friends (nijel is still not my best friend) who seem to agree with everything or do everything the other asks of them. I have come to know a good marriage is simply one that doesn't give up.
Regardless of the times where you can't "see" down the road because you're so hurt & angry, you choose NOT to give up. And even if you say "I give up" (I've been there) you really don't. You hold on, even if just by a thread. You hold on because God is your hope. You hold on because you remember God putting it on your heart that this is the person you are to care for, love unconditionally, and be gracious to.
Oh how I wish I could go back and stand at the altar again & really understand the vows I declared on my wedding day. We all recite "Until death do us part" and we smile :) having no real clue that that means exactly what it says! In our 7 years, I've felt what seems like death. And I'm sure you all can't imagine that! Lol not those Mills! Yes, us. Dark times.
But here we are. Picked up each & every time by the one True, Living God. And today we are celebrating 7 whole years of not giving up. 7 years of growing, learning, and making choices. Some good, some bad. And I can honestly I'm glad to be here Today. I'm glad we held on. Throughout it all, I'm glad there was enough God in us to stick it out. I'm glad there were enough prayers from our friends to give us that extra grace.
Sometimes the joy won't come directly from each other, but through God-knowing that He was there to cover you. The joy is in each new year of celebration. It's in the fact that there was hard work put in & the reward is another anniversary. And today that is what's celebrated-7 years of work. 7 years of two imperfect people being perfected by God in order to walk this life out Together.
Working hard for something or someone is always worth it. You appreciate it more because it is EARNED- it has value. And marriage has value. It is a prize. Because today people fall in love, work hard and then find out that their partner isn't so loving and then they stop working hard. And then there is no motivation to labor. So it's over. Let me just tell you, your motivation to labor in marriage isn't always your spouse. At first it might be, but when they let you down and show you who they really are; you'll be uninspired. Your motivation will always be Jesus. His perfect Love for you and your spouse will have to be your motivation to keep going! He has sacrificed everything He has, for nothing in return just to show His love for you.
He gave to us before we gave him anything. When you get married there will be plenty of times that you will have to give to your spouse without receiving anything in return. Let our Father be your inspiration to keep striving for Love. I have learned Love truly does cover a multitude of sins ( 1 Peter 4:8 ). It protects one another, it accepts imperfection and cares. There is a difference between allowing someone to use you & step all over you and understanding God's way of marriage is unconditional. It is giving each other enough grace to figure this life out. Because we will change in this lifetime; only God stays constant.
My husband made me a card this morning and it says,
"Love, like a river, will cut a new path whenever it meets an obstacle."
Where there is LOVE, there is a way. A way to start over and start fresh. A way to forgive and sometimes forget. This is God's love. It makes a way out of no way. It keeps giving. It's full of hope. It's so beautiful. It is that stunning red rose amongst thorns. God's love stands out.
Today marks 7 years. They say 7 is the number of completion. Do I feel completed? Hardly. But, it doesn't matter. I will still rejoice with my husband and celebrate the grace of God that's been on our lives :) He is the reason we now have 7 under our belt. Thank you Nijel for doing your part & not giving up. You are awesome for that! It's takes a strong willed man to keep going & keep your vows and I appreciate your courage in doing so. Love you goofy man! Keep your goofiness-it keeps you young ;) When I'm all old & wrinkled; full of sarcasm you can keep me on my toes and crack my frown! Lol. I hardly say it, but you are quite remarkable for choosing to stay with me & love me. God bless you, surely your reward is in heaven-haha love ya.
What can I say? Well, when I say it's been a journey-I mean just that. A journey that consists of rivers, mountains, valleys, hills and plains. Not all good and definitely not all bad. There are times of "skipping" along down a fun, pretty slope and then at times you look up & it's cold. Cold, muddy and you can barely see that you are hiking up a ferocious mountain.
You see when you're engaged, you can't fathom any of the darkness. Just like when you don't have kids, you can't even imagine the fatigues that comes from waking up every two hours! But it comes. All you can see is what's in front of you-Love & acceptance. You cannot see next year or five years down the road. As far as your little hopeful heart can tell-this person can Never do you any harm.
But they will. They, like any other human being on this earth are more than capable of hurting you. Rejecting you. Using you. And all of the above. And I don't want you to think I'm writing from a bitter place; I'm not. But, rather a Real place-a place of Love. Because Love doesn't always feels good; it sometimes comes in the form of correction. Ask your parents. Or if you are a parent, you know what I'm talking about ;)
So what am I saying? I'm saying marriage is Hard! It's really Hard! When I see couples celebrating 30,40,50 years of marriage I'm like- Wow! That act of loyalty, perseverance, and commitment is nothing less than amazing! A good marriage is not one that consists of two best friends (nijel is still not my best friend) who seem to agree with everything or do everything the other asks of them. I have come to know a good marriage is simply one that doesn't give up.
Regardless of the times where you can't "see" down the road because you're so hurt & angry, you choose NOT to give up. And even if you say "I give up" (I've been there) you really don't. You hold on, even if just by a thread. You hold on because God is your hope. You hold on because you remember God putting it on your heart that this is the person you are to care for, love unconditionally, and be gracious to.
Oh how I wish I could go back and stand at the altar again & really understand the vows I declared on my wedding day. We all recite "Until death do us part" and we smile :) having no real clue that that means exactly what it says! In our 7 years, I've felt what seems like death. And I'm sure you all can't imagine that! Lol not those Mills! Yes, us. Dark times.
But here we are. Picked up each & every time by the one True, Living God. And today we are celebrating 7 whole years of not giving up. 7 years of growing, learning, and making choices. Some good, some bad. And I can honestly I'm glad to be here Today. I'm glad we held on. Throughout it all, I'm glad there was enough God in us to stick it out. I'm glad there were enough prayers from our friends to give us that extra grace.
Sometimes the joy won't come directly from each other, but through God-knowing that He was there to cover you. The joy is in each new year of celebration. It's in the fact that there was hard work put in & the reward is another anniversary. And today that is what's celebrated-7 years of work. 7 years of two imperfect people being perfected by God in order to walk this life out Together.
Working hard for something or someone is always worth it. You appreciate it more because it is EARNED- it has value. And marriage has value. It is a prize. Because today people fall in love, work hard and then find out that their partner isn't so loving and then they stop working hard. And then there is no motivation to labor. So it's over. Let me just tell you, your motivation to labor in marriage isn't always your spouse. At first it might be, but when they let you down and show you who they really are; you'll be uninspired. Your motivation will always be Jesus. His perfect Love for you and your spouse will have to be your motivation to keep going! He has sacrificed everything He has, for nothing in return just to show His love for you.
He gave to us before we gave him anything. When you get married there will be plenty of times that you will have to give to your spouse without receiving anything in return. Let our Father be your inspiration to keep striving for Love. I have learned Love truly does cover a multitude of sins ( 1 Peter 4:8 ). It protects one another, it accepts imperfection and cares. There is a difference between allowing someone to use you & step all over you and understanding God's way of marriage is unconditional. It is giving each other enough grace to figure this life out. Because we will change in this lifetime; only God stays constant.
My husband made me a card this morning and it says,
"Love, like a river, will cut a new path whenever it meets an obstacle."
Where there is LOVE, there is a way. A way to start over and start fresh. A way to forgive and sometimes forget. This is God's love. It makes a way out of no way. It keeps giving. It's full of hope. It's so beautiful. It is that stunning red rose amongst thorns. God's love stands out.
Today marks 7 years. They say 7 is the number of completion. Do I feel completed? Hardly. But, it doesn't matter. I will still rejoice with my husband and celebrate the grace of God that's been on our lives :) He is the reason we now have 7 under our belt. Thank you Nijel for doing your part & not giving up. You are awesome for that! It's takes a strong willed man to keep going & keep your vows and I appreciate your courage in doing so. Love you goofy man! Keep your goofiness-it keeps you young ;) When I'm all old & wrinkled; full of sarcasm you can keep me on my toes and crack my frown! Lol. I hardly say it, but you are quite remarkable for choosing to stay with me & love me. God bless you, surely your reward is in heaven-haha love ya.
Happy 7 years Mr. Nijel-we done made it!!!
October 13, 2006
Thursday, July 3, 2014
For My Single Ladies, with love.
I have no idea why this is on my mind, but it is. I just had a rush of irritation with the thought of women feeling not "good enough." And it's not entirely a man's fault for a woman feeling this way, but he does play a part.
So here's the scenario. A pretty woman is pursued by a man. More than likely he is pursuing heavily. Calls, texts, emails-whatever. All this attention=he really likes you, right? Right!???? Maybe. Maybe Not. Sometimes you won't know until later on down the road. Because sometimes men just like the chase, sometimes they like the challenge. Or sometimes they really want YOU. But, more than likely his motive usually isn't question. At least not for awhile.
So after a couple of weeks, you may have returned the calling, flattery and pursuit that he was initially doing. You may have even been intimate with him. And now you notice his efforts aren't as much. You find yourself being the initiator; the pursuer. You don't feel like a priority in his life. Yet, he is now in your Top 3 of priorities. What happened? And more importantly, how does it make you feel? Not good enough?
I've learned from all of my years of dating, that it doesn't matter what I look like, how I dress, what I drive or what I say. I could have the best body, prettiest face and still find myself rejected by men. Why? Because many men aren't dating with a purpose. Now thank God there are some men who want to get married and honor God by waiting to have sex before marriage. But, if they aren't thinking about marriage or God, ladies then nothing you can do on the outside can change that.
This is the part that upsets me. When he starts to reject you by backing off, you feel it in your heart! You look in the mirror extra long. You wonder what is wrong with you. And every time a man does this you swallow it. You end up hopeless-not believing in Love or in Men. Which is a lie, because there is always hope on this Earth. And not to sound cliche' but Christ is our hope.
Now imagine this. Imagine meeting a guy and being totally honest with him upfront. Imagine if you told him you were tired of dating aimlessly and you desired marriage. Most women are scared of being viewed as thirsty or needy and won't ask important questions. So it goes undisclosed. Until it's too late. Most people want faithfulness from their significant other, they want to feel special like they are the only one their mate desires. Most women think about marriage. So if this is what we want, why aren't we asking them in the beginning their motives or desires?
We try to be everything we think the man wants. We act cool, not too needy. We act like we're just "hanging and having fun." We put on a front not to scare them away. I will tell you this-once you get married all those things you hid will come to light. You tried putting your best foot forward by hiding things but it'll come out sooner or later. So why not, just be intentional in dating? Forget "just having fun", women are delicate! We can't play "the game" like men. God created us to love, and nurture and have hearts. We love strong! And you weren't designed to do that for every man you meet nor were you created to have your heart broken over and over again. Really no one is.
I cannot stress to you how awesome it felt to have sex with my husband the day we got married for the first time. I cannot stress how awesome it felt to walk away from that and not wonder if he was going to call back. There were no games, our relationship didn't change and my self worth was not questioned. He was mine and I was his. I didn't have to have sex with him to "win" him or please him, and I didn't have to wonder how he felt about me. What a relief! And this is exactly why God said to wait to have sex. He knows how He created women! To love easily and hard. And that's a beautiful thing-but it can go haywire when it's not with your husband.
A man who never intended to keep you around long term, will use you for however long and then let you go. Leaving you feeling worthless. And all you wanted is to be loved. Smh. To feel desired. That's exactly what I wanted. Until one day I had had enough. I was tired of feeling used, feeling like I wasn't special. When I knew I was! I knew God had purpose for me. So I quit dating. I quit selling myself for close to nothing. God had bought me for a price-and I was going to start charging! Every cute guy with a good line was NOT going to be able to "get to know me." If God created ONE man for ONE woman, then he had to be special.
I will say it again, Not every Man can handle the fragility of your heart. Stop letting multitude men try it out. Most men were Xed out to me if they weren't serving the Lord. Why try and make it work and have to explain how I wanted to wait for sex until marriage with just random men? Not everyone will understand this. And then another set of men were Xed if they weren't even looking to be married soon. The Xing out is actually pretty simple, WE just make it hard. We want to change men, we think we're Super Woman! Smh-no. If a guy tells you he's not looking for anything serious-He's NOT looking for anything serious. I don't care how pretty you are, how seductive you are-listen to him. He's not ready.
So instead of trying to change a man, why don't you just be patient and wait until you meet one who tells he's ready to settle down? Love yourself. I know you hear that a lot but do you know what that means? That means love yourself enough not to settle. That means love yourself enough by having standards and not allowing any ol' man come into your life to take whatever he wants. That means love what God loves about you. He loves you sooo much and thinks you are SOOOOO special, He doesn't want you throwing yourself around to anyone who would catch you! Invest in you and make men invest and labor to get you. People will work for what they feel is worth it. And I'm not talking being conceited; stay humble. But I'm talking not allowing a man to feel on you when he just met you or calling you anytime time of night! Respect!
Ask God to open your eyes to see what qualities truly matter in a mate. I remember surrendering to the Lord and realizing what was going to matter in the long run. Men who desired children and having a family became more attractive to me. Men who pursued purity was like WOW! And I'll be honest, I was not attracted to my husband at first. I didn't care for his style of clothing or some of the music he liked. But He loved the LORD! He respected and felt the same about marriage, purity, and children. All the other material things come and go. Clothing can change, looks can fade. Bodies fluctuate. But, if you have someone who desires to put God first, then you two will always be working together to get stronger! You don't need the perfect mate, or perfect marriage you just need someone who will humbly keep reaching! Reaching to be better.
Hear me when I say, "I Don't have the perfect husband." But I have never felt used by him. And even through our hard times, I can stand here to tell you-I Am Enough. I am sure that he loves me; I never have to guess and he knows my worth. And just by chance he doesn't-I KNOW IT. Because God told me I was fearfully & wonderfully made (Psalm 139)
To my Single ladies,
You ARE enough
signed,
your sister in Christ
So here's the scenario. A pretty woman is pursued by a man. More than likely he is pursuing heavily. Calls, texts, emails-whatever. All this attention=he really likes you, right? Right!???? Maybe. Maybe Not. Sometimes you won't know until later on down the road. Because sometimes men just like the chase, sometimes they like the challenge. Or sometimes they really want YOU. But, more than likely his motive usually isn't question. At least not for awhile.
So after a couple of weeks, you may have returned the calling, flattery and pursuit that he was initially doing. You may have even been intimate with him. And now you notice his efforts aren't as much. You find yourself being the initiator; the pursuer. You don't feel like a priority in his life. Yet, he is now in your Top 3 of priorities. What happened? And more importantly, how does it make you feel? Not good enough?
I've learned from all of my years of dating, that it doesn't matter what I look like, how I dress, what I drive or what I say. I could have the best body, prettiest face and still find myself rejected by men. Why? Because many men aren't dating with a purpose. Now thank God there are some men who want to get married and honor God by waiting to have sex before marriage. But, if they aren't thinking about marriage or God, ladies then nothing you can do on the outside can change that.
This is the part that upsets me. When he starts to reject you by backing off, you feel it in your heart! You look in the mirror extra long. You wonder what is wrong with you. And every time a man does this you swallow it. You end up hopeless-not believing in Love or in Men. Which is a lie, because there is always hope on this Earth. And not to sound cliche' but Christ is our hope.
Now imagine this. Imagine meeting a guy and being totally honest with him upfront. Imagine if you told him you were tired of dating aimlessly and you desired marriage. Most women are scared of being viewed as thirsty or needy and won't ask important questions. So it goes undisclosed. Until it's too late. Most people want faithfulness from their significant other, they want to feel special like they are the only one their mate desires. Most women think about marriage. So if this is what we want, why aren't we asking them in the beginning their motives or desires?
We try to be everything we think the man wants. We act cool, not too needy. We act like we're just "hanging and having fun." We put on a front not to scare them away. I will tell you this-once you get married all those things you hid will come to light. You tried putting your best foot forward by hiding things but it'll come out sooner or later. So why not, just be intentional in dating? Forget "just having fun", women are delicate! We can't play "the game" like men. God created us to love, and nurture and have hearts. We love strong! And you weren't designed to do that for every man you meet nor were you created to have your heart broken over and over again. Really no one is.
I cannot stress to you how awesome it felt to have sex with my husband the day we got married for the first time. I cannot stress how awesome it felt to walk away from that and not wonder if he was going to call back. There were no games, our relationship didn't change and my self worth was not questioned. He was mine and I was his. I didn't have to have sex with him to "win" him or please him, and I didn't have to wonder how he felt about me. What a relief! And this is exactly why God said to wait to have sex. He knows how He created women! To love easily and hard. And that's a beautiful thing-but it can go haywire when it's not with your husband.
A man who never intended to keep you around long term, will use you for however long and then let you go. Leaving you feeling worthless. And all you wanted is to be loved. Smh. To feel desired. That's exactly what I wanted. Until one day I had had enough. I was tired of feeling used, feeling like I wasn't special. When I knew I was! I knew God had purpose for me. So I quit dating. I quit selling myself for close to nothing. God had bought me for a price-and I was going to start charging! Every cute guy with a good line was NOT going to be able to "get to know me." If God created ONE man for ONE woman, then he had to be special.
I will say it again, Not every Man can handle the fragility of your heart. Stop letting multitude men try it out. Most men were Xed out to me if they weren't serving the Lord. Why try and make it work and have to explain how I wanted to wait for sex until marriage with just random men? Not everyone will understand this. And then another set of men were Xed if they weren't even looking to be married soon. The Xing out is actually pretty simple, WE just make it hard. We want to change men, we think we're Super Woman! Smh-no. If a guy tells you he's not looking for anything serious-He's NOT looking for anything serious. I don't care how pretty you are, how seductive you are-listen to him. He's not ready.
So instead of trying to change a man, why don't you just be patient and wait until you meet one who tells he's ready to settle down? Love yourself. I know you hear that a lot but do you know what that means? That means love yourself enough not to settle. That means love yourself enough by having standards and not allowing any ol' man come into your life to take whatever he wants. That means love what God loves about you. He loves you sooo much and thinks you are SOOOOO special, He doesn't want you throwing yourself around to anyone who would catch you! Invest in you and make men invest and labor to get you. People will work for what they feel is worth it. And I'm not talking being conceited; stay humble. But I'm talking not allowing a man to feel on you when he just met you or calling you anytime time of night! Respect!
Ask God to open your eyes to see what qualities truly matter in a mate. I remember surrendering to the Lord and realizing what was going to matter in the long run. Men who desired children and having a family became more attractive to me. Men who pursued purity was like WOW! And I'll be honest, I was not attracted to my husband at first. I didn't care for his style of clothing or some of the music he liked. But He loved the LORD! He respected and felt the same about marriage, purity, and children. All the other material things come and go. Clothing can change, looks can fade. Bodies fluctuate. But, if you have someone who desires to put God first, then you two will always be working together to get stronger! You don't need the perfect mate, or perfect marriage you just need someone who will humbly keep reaching! Reaching to be better.
Hear me when I say, "I Don't have the perfect husband." But I have never felt used by him. And even through our hard times, I can stand here to tell you-I Am Enough. I am sure that he loves me; I never have to guess and he knows my worth. And just by chance he doesn't-I KNOW IT. Because God told me I was fearfully & wonderfully made (Psalm 139)
To my Single ladies,
You ARE enough
signed,
your sister in Christ
Love me,
Love God.
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
Family Reunited!
Good afternoon!
So my boys are back after two weeks. That means 1 baby for me! LOL, if you have more than one child then you know the easy breezy time my husband & I had. Funny, how it was such a big difference to not have to care for 3 kids. Cooking was a cinch! Cleaning, laundry, bath time? A thing of the past! lol ok maybe not entirely, but almost.
Before they went on their vacation, I made a list of the things I was going to do while they were gone. More play dates, more business meetings, and lots of top to bottom cleanings. Busy, busy, busy! Oh yea and I was going to work out every day. Dragging a long one baby is so easy :) gym here I come! Or so I thought.
The very next day after my boys left, I went to the gym. Only to find out I could no longer work out at that location :( there went my gym plan lol. And as the next two weeks scurried by, so did my top to bottom cleaning plan and business meetings ha. I did run around some, but for the most part I didn't do anything. And to be honest with you, I'm okay with that.
Rest and having absolutely nothing to do is something moms can hardly partake of. Even if you just have one kid, there's always something to do. Laundry, dishes, meal planning, cooking, bathing, dressing, praying, exercising, etc., etc. So yea I sat on my butt! I enjoyed it, too. I hope that you moms (parents) can get a break time from time. You have to have time to just sit and do nothing. We are constantly pouring out, we need time to recieve and refresh-no guilt attached.
I know when I'm away from my kids it gives me time to re-up on my love, patience, kindness, understanding, did I say patience? Oh okay. Kids especially need our patience. For their time on earth has been so short that they just don't have our wisdom & understanding. They are unsure of right and wrong; common sense. Our grace & patience from the Lord help us to react slow, with loving care and teach iwth gentleness.
It makes me sick when I'm out in public and I hear other parents yelling at their kids, "What's wrong with you?" or "You make me sick." That stems from having no patience and lots of selfishness. No time to think about the effects of our words and just spewing out our first thoughts. I know about yelling and reacting. But, walking in love helps us to remember that they are children. They don't have logic about the world. Their logic is whatever they want it to be. And I don't want to punish them for being "kids."
I want to take every moment to study them, cherish them, and nuture them. They really do grow up so fast. New moms with newborns can hardly wait for the growing up lol but after that initial transition they zoom on by. I have Headstart around the corner :) and other fun ventures. So stay tuned for our journey of Family & purpose.....God bless.
p.s. Please check out my Facebook page for some amazing mommy articles :)
Click my FB Button on the top right!
So my boys are back after two weeks. That means 1 baby for me! LOL, if you have more than one child then you know the easy breezy time my husband & I had. Funny, how it was such a big difference to not have to care for 3 kids. Cooking was a cinch! Cleaning, laundry, bath time? A thing of the past! lol ok maybe not entirely, but almost.
Before they went on their vacation, I made a list of the things I was going to do while they were gone. More play dates, more business meetings, and lots of top to bottom cleanings. Busy, busy, busy! Oh yea and I was going to work out every day. Dragging a long one baby is so easy :) gym here I come! Or so I thought.
The very next day after my boys left, I went to the gym. Only to find out I could no longer work out at that location :( there went my gym plan lol. And as the next two weeks scurried by, so did my top to bottom cleaning plan and business meetings ha. I did run around some, but for the most part I didn't do anything. And to be honest with you, I'm okay with that.
Rest and having absolutely nothing to do is something moms can hardly partake of. Even if you just have one kid, there's always something to do. Laundry, dishes, meal planning, cooking, bathing, dressing, praying, exercising, etc., etc. So yea I sat on my butt! I enjoyed it, too. I hope that you moms (parents) can get a break time from time. You have to have time to just sit and do nothing. We are constantly pouring out, we need time to recieve and refresh-no guilt attached.
I know when I'm away from my kids it gives me time to re-up on my love, patience, kindness, understanding, did I say patience? Oh okay. Kids especially need our patience. For their time on earth has been so short that they just don't have our wisdom & understanding. They are unsure of right and wrong; common sense. Our grace & patience from the Lord help us to react slow, with loving care and teach iwth gentleness.
It makes me sick when I'm out in public and I hear other parents yelling at their kids, "What's wrong with you?" or "You make me sick." That stems from having no patience and lots of selfishness. No time to think about the effects of our words and just spewing out our first thoughts. I know about yelling and reacting. But, walking in love helps us to remember that they are children. They don't have logic about the world. Their logic is whatever they want it to be. And I don't want to punish them for being "kids."
I want to take every moment to study them, cherish them, and nuture them. They really do grow up so fast. New moms with newborns can hardly wait for the growing up lol but after that initial transition they zoom on by. I have Headstart around the corner :) and other fun ventures. So stay tuned for our journey of Family & purpose.....God bless.
p.s. Please check out my Facebook page for some amazing mommy articles :)
Click my FB Button on the top right!
Love me,
Love God.
Thursday, September 5, 2013
Daily Prayer of Expectancy.
Good afternoon :)
It's a beautiful afternoon here in Columbus, Ohio. Quiet day in the Mills household as my baby girl naps away. Well, last sunday I was given a book titled," 31 Days of Prayer by Ruth & Warren Myers. In some short minutes I am already on page 45. So yea, it's a beautiful book already.
The back of the book says,"Prayer: A Way of Life."
I think every believer knows they should be praying. And I believe every believer has said aloud, "I should be praying more." I know because I've said it too. And I've blogged about it once or twice. Or three times lol. But today's blog isn't about telling you that you should be praying more. But, really just sharing this awesome prayer in here about Daily Expectancy. The words are so flowy and amazing & I am just encouraged to slow down in my time of prayer and really remember to who I am praying to.
Well, let me just get straight to it.
It's a beautiful afternoon here in Columbus, Ohio. Quiet day in the Mills household as my baby girl naps away. Well, last sunday I was given a book titled," 31 Days of Prayer by Ruth & Warren Myers. In some short minutes I am already on page 45. So yea, it's a beautiful book already.
The back of the book says,"Prayer: A Way of Life."
I think every believer knows they should be praying. And I believe every believer has said aloud, "I should be praying more." I know because I've said it too. And I've blogged about it once or twice. Or three times lol. But today's blog isn't about telling you that you should be praying more. But, really just sharing this awesome prayer in here about Daily Expectancy. The words are so flowy and amazing & I am just encouraged to slow down in my time of prayer and really remember to who I am praying to.
Well, let me just get straight to it.
Father in heaven, great and powerful and full of love, I lift my heart in praise for the privilege of coming to You in prayer. Give me special grace as I join Your exalted Son in His ministry of prayer. Search my heart, Lord, and show me if any sin is hindering Your work in my life. May I respond without delay whenever You make me conscious of sin. How grateful I am for Your total forgiveness the moment I confess my sin, turning back to You as my Lord!
And, Father, teach me to pray. How much I yearn to know Your will and Your way. I thank You that Your Son lives within me. What a joy to know that He is my teacher--that through Him I can learn to pray. I can learn to release Your boundless power for both my needs and the needs of many others, near and far. Teach me to pray.
Day by day may Your spirit work in me, motivating me to abide in Christ and pray in faith, moving Your mighty hand to fulfill Your purposes. Keep reminding me that You are able to do infinitely more than I would ever dare to ask or imagine, by Your mighty power at work within me. To You be the glory both now and forever. Amen
I reread this prayer about 4 times so far because I'm reminded of His extradordinaryness (if that's a word). I'm reminded that yes, I am a friend of God and can discuss anything to Him but the reverence shown in this prayer is encouraging. "Great & powerful & full of love." Communion with God is a privilege, let's never forget that. It's humbling to ask God to show you of your sins. It's humbling to ask God how to pray, though it seems so simple and toddlerish. And it's amazing that yes He CAN do things beyond our imagination. And of course, may He always get the glory now and forever.
Be blessed as I was, and slow down sometimes. Don't rush. Prayer can be more than a daily chore, it can be a special delight a time of giddiness with the Father ;)
Love me,
Love God.
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