How many times have you said the words, "You make me sick!?" If you've never said it aloud, I'm sure you thought it to yourself. In some way, shape, or form you have felt this way: Done. Tired. Frustrated. Sick. Tired of being tired. I'm nearly 30 years old and have felt this way too many times already. But why? Why do we do what we're not supposed to do? Why do we do the things that don't make us feel good, but rather make us sick?
The bible speaks a lot about being born into sin and having a sinful nature. Paul has a lot to write about on this topic in Romans chapter 7 (verse 7).
"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." Romans 7:15
I'm living a life just like you, wondering why sometimes I do what I hate to do. I used to date men who I knew weren't good for me. I use to take drugs that I knew weren't good for me. I use to consume drinks that I knew wouldn't make me feel good. And yet, I still did them.
"For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me." Romans 7:22,23
That scripture describes me. It describes all of us really. Loving or delighting in God, yet waring against another piece of me (my flesh) that wanted to do other things; bad things. Things that often made me feel bad afterwards. Things that don't make logical sense but you still find yourself doing them. Smh. The good news is that there is a deliverer....
"What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!" Romans 7:24,25
He delivered me from all that mess. I know I said there wasn't a solution, but there really is. It's complicated. Let me explain. There are many, many things in my life that are no longer. I don't deal with the same messes, nor am tempted by the same things. However, there are other things. Harder things. There are other "tests" that often appear. Sometimes we're not taking "tests" from God. Sometimes we're just in detention for doing those things that we know we're not "supposed" to do, but do them anyway. There's a consequence for everything. It's called Cause & Effect. It's called you reap what you sow. (Galatians 6:7) Many times God's grace & mercy covers us, and we get away with a minor scratch. But, other times-No.
This week while I was "snacking" on some pizza, the question of why do we keep doing these things came to mind. I haven't had hardly any dairy, grains or processed foods recently so yesterday's pizza really hit me! Lol, like really hard. I was smelly (sorry) and I was hurting. Insides aching!
Common sense told me this would happen, but it's almost like I didn't care? Have you ever done something like that? You knew what would most likely happen, yet you did it anyway? I will say it is quite humbling. I asked God today, Lord am I just that wretched??? Are you really just showing me how much I really need you? Do I need to be reminded that there are so many things I just don't have control over, like my sinful nature? Yea....Humbling.
These are those moments that teach us to stay low in this world. To never think you are beyond anyone or any situation. Truly that is why Jesus was the meekest of us all. Although, He had the power inside to do anything, his heart kept Him low. His compassion and love for people kept Him grounded. He remained with those around Him. Because in reality, we are all a decision away from disaster. At any moment, I can choose to abuse my children, cheat on my husband, or commit a crime. And although, I have accomplished a lot with my health, when it comes down to it I'm just one bad decision away from a food addiction.
So, my point in this post is to not provide a solution for your problems so that you don't keep having them. But, rather remind you we are ALL battling something. We are all passing "tests" and we are all failing tests. Many things I've been able to walk away from and some I'm still tempted to glance back at, but I think God is who He says He is. Faithful. I think, today He needed to remind ME that yes He is a deliverer and with one quick snap He is able to get me out of any jam, but it is in these moments of my own consequences that I remember I am in need.
I'm always in need. Our relationship with Father God is not to show the world how MIGHTY we are, but really how lowly we are. That He truly is everything we are not. That though you see "perfect" relationships on TV or on Facebook, or health experts with perfect bodies on Instagram, you are STILL in a world of needy people! We all need a savior for everything small or big.
Maybe God doesn't interfere with all of our bad relationships with men or with friends in order for us to see US. To see those not so good things that we desire and keep coming back to. And to understand why we crave the things we crave. To also bring truth to Romans Chapter 7 verse 15. (Please check it out) We truly have no hope apart from Him. There is no victory in will power alone, which I'm sure you all know that by now. Those that rely on will power end in misery. For some sadly, in death because they were unable to cope with the vicious cyles of their bad choices.
So, again I don't have pixie dust for your addiction but I do have a loving Father who is in the business of Restoration. Compassion. Love. Understanding. He IS Mighty to save, but He's also wise. He is ALL-Knowing to know that some imperfections in our life keep us humbled! Think about it this way- You have the perfect mate, perfect behaved children, along with amazing in laws, you have a perfect body to go along with it and perfect friends to share it with. Your job pays you more than enough and your car runs forever. Perfection. Now, tell me again why you would need GOD????
The reality is is that we do. I DO. YOU DO. I always will no matter how good life is or isn't. No matter if I purposely stray from home, I will still need Him. He's my father and I am His daughter. In that order. And this Life is our humble way of showing us how powerless we really are......
p.s. This is not what I intended to write about when I first sat down, but again lol God ultimately has control over whatever He wants to. So I Hope what I ended up writing about is a help to you :)
p.s.s While writing this, a couple of songs came to mind (just copy & paste):
1. http://nimills.com/track/flesh-suit-2 "Flesh suit by Ni Mills"
2. http://taelorgray.bandcamp.com/track/i-stay-low "I stay low by Tae Gray"
3. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fw1aDURaUKM "All I need is you by Kim Walker"
Love me,
Love God.
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